The other morning. Tuesday to be exact. I was on my way to work* jamming out to some Celine (don't be a hater) and thinking about what I needed to get done that day. What's that? Oh you want to know how exactly I knew what I needed to do that day at work. Well. Simple. It's the exact same thing I did the Tuesday before that. And that. And that. And. That. I suppose you can say I have a certain routine for certain days of the week. I suppose you can say we all have certain routines for certain days. Times. Months. Life. The thing is as much as I love me some repeated fixed activities during a 24 hour time period sometimes I get routine sight.
What's that? Oh you want to know what exactly is routine sight. Well . Simple. It's when you are one moment in your car belting out to one of the greatest singers of all time matching her pitch for pitch and then the next you are looking out over your life. You see years and years of more Tuesday mornings just like this one. More Tuesdays of knowing exactly what you will be doing because you did it the Tuesday before that. And that. And that. And. That. You tell yourself it's cool it won't be forever. But the thing is you don't know this to be a true thing. This could be forever. Forever of the same thing. Every. Day. It's what you asked for but not what you expected. You imagined adventure. Adventure in the great wide somewhere.
You know this is where God led you but what if He leaves you here with no sign that new things are coming. What if this is it? Then you see that your life in no way matches the expectations you had for it. And suddenly Celine's goose bump inducing power notes sound flat and empty to your ears. It is in that moment when her (or insert your own musical guilty pleasure-even though I will never say Celine is my guilty pleasure because I enjoy every minute of each stanza, chorus, and verse she belts out without one tinge of shame. That's right. I am a Celine Dion fan. And I am proud.) angelically powerful voice sounds like Miley Cyrus on a good day (does she have those?) that you have routine sight.
After the first onslaught of the routine sight some slight symptoms might occur. Such as but not limited to: anger, nausea, confusion, swelling of your feet and/or back, a slight longing for cold dark places, binge eating and/or wine. Routine sight can be scary. Often times leaving a sense of hopelessness in its wake. The thing is every time this happens and hopelessness is barging into my heart leaving it's sad gloominess I am like snap crackle pop JESUS! That's right Jesus. I know Him. He's my friend. And He is not hopeless. In fact I am pretty sure He is hope. To all people. What's that? Oh you want to know exactly how I know this. Well. Simple. There's a book about it. You should read it. However, just in case you don't have time to peruse books and/or can't read (in which case I don't even know how we got this far.) let me quote a bit of it for you… ahem " Find rest, O my soul , in God alone; my hope comes from Him." (Psalm 62:5)
What's that? Oh you want to know how if Jesus is my hope and I have Jesus living in me ALL the time did I get karate chopped by hopelessness and a strong sense of despair and meaninglessness. Well. Simple. Expectation. Remember earlier when I was all like "ahhhhh my life's expectations are nowhere similar to what my life actually looks like right now in this very moment!" Expectations are like boxes. Not those really awesome collapsible crate type boxes that make life simpler and easier to handle. They are more like those big, heavy, old steam trunk boxes. That actually look super cool because they're all old and vintagey and hipstery but really not useful for anything more than mere decoration. Yeah. Those are expectations.
They are the pictures and fluff of what WE think our lives SHOULD be. Frankly they get in the way. In a huge way. We get so wrapped up in our expectations that we miss out on…well…our lives. Expectations stop the flow and movement of The Spirit. It could look as simple as this "God I expect it to be like this." Or. "God I expect you to be like this." Or. "God I expect my life to look just like this." It puts God in a box. It limits Him. Well to us at least because honestly no one can limit Him and no one can put Him in a box. Trust me. I have tried. Many. Times. Control issues (don't be a hater) It's more like it puts us in a box. It limits us. God doesn't want that for His children. He wants us to know the unlimited fullness of Him and all He has for us. He wants us to look out and see nothing but possibility and newness and adventure for our lives.
What's that? Oh you want to know how exactly do you do this? Well. Simple. Expectancy. Expectancy is active and moving and flowing. Like His Spirit within us. Expectancy allows for freedom. With expectancy we are not thinking about how God should move but instead waiting, trusting, and knowing that He will move. We KNOW He will move in the ways HE knows we need. The ways that are best. The ways that glorify. Expectancy leads to faith. Faith leads to hope. Hope is Jesus.
I don't have a plan anymore. I always have a plan. I don't know what's coming next. I always know what's coming next (usually thanks to my plan). I don't know how things are going to be. I always know because I imagine them to be a certain way. Usually something along the lines of me waking up and being fabulous, owning lots of shoes, and a wand and being able to accio everything to me. Then after a busy day of accio-ing I come home to cupcakes and Shia Labeouf. (Hey. If you're going to dream. Dream. Big.) I don't know. And that's okay. As long as I got Celine blasting. Oh and have hope. Hope that God is moving. Not how I think He should but how He knows I need. How it will be best. How it will glorify. And frankly there is nothing routine about that.
*I actually do really like my job. I am learning how to know and realize life is not what I thought it would be but He is sovereign. Any other argument is invalid.
No comments:
Post a Comment