Transparent Rambles

There are times when I have no clue what to write. It's true. I know that I need to say something. Anything. But nothing comes. So. I usually run way. Or. Pretended that I don't have my own self appointed deadline to meet. Then. The guilt and self loathing comes. And. As I have stated before that always brings me here. A computer. A blank page. And me trying to be transparent. 

I am not sure there is a point to this post. I am afraid it might just be some rambles. I am really not one for externally processing things but sometimes you need to. Sometimes you need to know that someone is going to hear. Or. In this case read your crazy-round-about-not-fully-strung-together thoughts. It just helps. So. Here are mine. 

In a most beautiful way Papa has showed me that. Well. Somewhere in me He has placed a book. Problem. I haven't a clue what it is. Solution. Spend some time with Papa. I am pretty sure He is really good at revealing these things. Problem. Honestly. My daily time with just me and Him is basically nonexistent. This of course is all me. Not Him. Pretty sure He wants to hang with me. Like. All. The. Time. I on the other hand am being completely stubborn. He wants to talk about things. I don't want to talk about. Things that hurt. Things that I believe are better buried. This of course is a scandalous falsehood. (side note: I have always wanted to say that!) 

So I. Like my writing. Either run away. Or. Pretend that everything is fine. It is not fine. I desperately need Him. I desperately need alone time with Him. Problem. Me. I get in my own way. Just like with my writing. Just like many things in my life. I fail. So. I stop trying. I run away. Or. Pretend. Either way. I am getting in my own way.  And. Truthfully. It makes me sad. And. Kinda worried. I might not be totally stoked about the season I am in right this minute. But. Neither do I want to waste it. So. Here I am stuck in the middle with me. We are our biggest obstacles aren't we? 

I think you might say this had some point. Some moral or lesson about Carpe Diem. Or. Some equally great Robin Williams movie. Like. Flubber perhaps. But. I hope it helped. Anyone. Someone. Anywhere. Somewhere. The joy of being transparent? Knowing that. Anyone. Someone. Anywhere. Somewhere. Is hopefully saying. "Ahhh…I am not the only one."